Yes, the time has come for another design change. At the light of recent events, i felt it was justified. And needed.
Enough with the intro, on with the ramblings.

On the 5th of February 2009, i decided to add another tattoo on my left arm. Not too big, just to finish the ‘picture’ of what i wanted since the beginning.
This is the original draft: (all thumbnails on this page are clickable to show the full image)

And this is the result (click):

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Dragon1 - Day 1

Dragon1 - Day 4

Dragon1 - Day 4-2

After 2 1/2 weeks, the dragon is almost fully healed now.
The pain was absolutely bearable. Much less than the first time. I was reading RSS Feeds on my Blackberry on the 90 minutes it took.
No, i’m not playing a hero, it DID hurt. But i guess my last year allowed me to extend my pain endurance.
Or so i thought.

For some time, i have been wondering on what IS my limit of taking pain.
Not in a sense of relentless masochism, but in the sense of “how much can i take”, or “can i do this and take it”.
It is pretty obvious this has emerged from all the shit i’ve been taking because of my MS. I felt the need to know my limits.
Because, honestly, i never did, and i do not think many people do, until they are tested.

So, instead of waiting for a piano to fall on my head to see if i could take it, i decided to do it upon myself.
And so, a previously abandoned idea (yes, i chickened out every time i thought about it) was reborn.

I had the idea of a dragon tattooed in my back for some time. But i never believed i could take the pain.
But on the 19th of February 2009, another Dragon was born.
It took 4 hours and a half.
Gory details? Oh yes.

- 5 (or 6? forgot) blood pressure drops. I had to go out to have a coffee once, to raise the pulse.
- It was impossible to either listen to music or read RSS Feeds this time.
- I did not cry, but was very close to it.
- Multiple (lost count) 30 second breaks to breathe and regain consciousness (i nearly fainted half a dozen times).
- I thought about wimping out, running away (hah, as if i could run) and giving up.
- Screams. Oh yes, many.
- I bit and scratched myself, the chair and everything i could touch.

Cristian was funny as hell. But extremely professional.
He insulted me a zillion times calling me a chicken (and much worse), but every time i looked at the half-done work in the mirror, i cringed my teeth and found the strength to sit down again.

My resistance to pain was completely gone. I was beyond pain. I feel i’ve been to hell and came back.
I was sweating from trying to resist the pain. I couldn’t relax my muscles, and that brought even more pain.
I felt dizzy, not understanding how some people say “it does not hurt that much”. Lucky bastards. Or huge liars.

And so, after 270 minutes that seemed like 2700, he said “Done. See if you like it”.

Hell, i do like it.
Apart from being a “i did it”, it’s friggin’ beautiful.
I had given Cristian an ugly draft of what i wanted. Basically, it was only the concept, but the drawing was ugly.
He caught what i wanted perfectly, and turned my idea into what i really wanted it to be (click):

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Day 1

Day 3

My back still hurts immensely.
Putting the tattoo cream is an adventure, and on the first night, while i slept, my t-shirt got completely glued to the ink on my back and in the morning, i could not take it off.
I had to phone Cristian and ask for the right procedure to get rid of the damn t-shirt. (had to shower with it until it broke loose of the ink).

In a couple of places, even my bones are sore. I don’t have a lot of fat, so the tattoo hurt the bones.
But i did it.
This has strengthened me immensely.
I do not feel i can do anything, i still respect what is pain and hurts me (even more than before), but i got much closer to MY reality, to my inner me.
To who i am. To my limits.

I can not say i agree with the “pain makes one feel alive” motto, but the fact is, having decided to do this and managing through it, it did make me feel more alive.
Not because “i can take pain”, but because regarding SOME things, i am still in control.

Halfway through the tattoo, i knew my objective was reached.
Will i make more tattoos in the future? No, i don’t think so.

Not because of the pain. But because i reached a personal journey’s end.

And some paths are not meant to be walked more than once.